Tuesday, April 19, 2011

#91 - Meet The Spartans

This is one movie I was not looking forward to watching. Okay okay, no, there are not many I am looking forward to. But perhaps that is the fun of it. It's like walking past a really ugly person, you just can't help but look again. Well, what if someone was to tell you before you saw that ugly person what you were about to see. You know where I'm going with this... you would still look.

Thing is, with Meet The Spartans, I had already looked, and turned away 10 minutes later. I guess the reason I had watched it in the first place is I had not watched one of those horrible spoofs in a while, and I wanted to see if they had changed and perhaps gotten better. That is a resounding no! So this time around for me was to see if I would be able to make it further into the movie. I mean, I've had training in bad movie watching now, and I feel that I have more stamina in watching these flicks.

Well, the training has paid off because for the first time, my turn off point was later than that of Christie's. Granted, neither one of us would have lasted past the 25 minute mark (see the turn off point section below).  But still, call it a win for me. (Note to my sister: yes, I'm competitive, get over it.)

So, about the movie. Let's see, there was 19 blatan product placements, including two or three in movie commercials. If you are wondering why I kept count, it's because two product placements were thrown in our face within the first two minutes of the movie, so I figured why not see how many there was. If nothing else, it would keep my interest on the movie rather than watching the cat sleep which was much more interesting.

The "pop culture" reference count was not kept, but I'm sure it was worse. From Britney Spears jokes, to Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan, they told the crotch shot joke three times. There was a three or four judge panels refered to (American Idol like shows), and just a bunch of stupid crap that just wasn't funny. By our count, there was one funny part (father giving the chair to his kid in the background fighting ring as two people talked about stuff we didn't care about), and one chuckle moment.

There were countless mucus/liquid poop/vomit/spit to the face jokes which none were remotely amusing. And the worse was that even though their jokes were so obvious, they still needed to explain it to you. Take a scene where they have Rocky Balboa chained up as some monster they are going to release on the Spartans. It was quite obvious who they were trying to mock, but still, the camera had to have a close up of the boxer's shorts so we could read ROCKY on them. Oh thanks for that, I didn't get the reference before that close up. Thanks for understanding I am a moron. Well, I guess anyone that would willingly watch this movie is a moron. No, neither of us were willing, but we have set forth a challenge and we will not back down!


... It has now been about 3 weeks since we have seen the movie, and it was so bad, I had a hard time writing this blog because honestly, I was hating myself for having to remember parts of the movie to write about it. Ugh! But I have to finish this if we are to continue our journey. I promised Christie I would finish this blog, and by god that's what I'm going to do. Anyway this movie doesn't deserve me talking about it anymore so let me just finish this rubbish and move on...

IMDb Rating: 2.5
JF's Rating: 1 - I'm still standing by that nothing will be worse than Bolero, but this was as bad... although, seriously, it was close... real close.
Chris' Rating: 2 - Yup, she hated it too.

JF's Turn off point: At the 25 minute mark, the troop of "300" (which was about a dozen in this movie) start off on their journey, and instead of a march, they hook arms and start skipping. The idiocity was too much for me to bear.
Chris' Turn off point: Around the 7 1/2 minute mark. I think it was the 3rd or 4th puke/muccus type joke, plus some gross looking guy had just finished sticking his tongue up a girl's nose. She had had enough.

Never ever watch this movie. Ever. Never ever. I mean it, you will hate yourself for it.

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