Monday, March 7, 2011

#92 - The Smokers

I was tempted to put up the video of the entire movie here, but I figured I wouldn't be that cruel. You know, I'm starting to see a trend with these bad movies. I state again that we were looking for the "they are so bad, they are good" movies when we started this journey. Instead we are getting movie after movie that are just so boring, badly acted with bad directing and even worse editing.

The Smokers was no different, as it was filled with 10-20 second scenes that really didn't help to move the story along, and it just left you wondering what just happened. As usual, the acting was terrible, the story was stupid, there was plenty of missed opportunities to make this trash better, and I honestly didn't care about a single one of the main characters. I did try to like Jeremy (played by Nicholas M. Loeb) who was the only decent guy of the bunch, but the acting was worse than that old salesman on local TV talking about his great deals.

But besides the fact that the movie had barely anything resembling a plot, that most of the lines were corny, and that they had a Bolero'esque sex scene, I'm having a difficult time giving it a bad grade. Why you ask? Well, meet Dave:

Before I get into why Dave's five second of screen time was the best part of the movie by far, let me explain a little something here. First off, the filming feel was that of a TV show. Think Coronation Street. That's the feel it had. The way it was filmed anyway, as I would much rather watch 1.5 hours of that UK soap then watch this again. Now, top that off with the horrid acting. And that's not just from our main actors or supporting actors who were all bad, I mean, even the extras were bad.

I think the title The Smokers is in reference to Felicia Fasano, the casting director and her casting crew. Seriously, what were they smoking when they hired all these people? I mean, sure, they don't have to be picky about extras, but did they really should hire people who have a hint of an idea about how to act. These extras couldn't even walk down a hallway without making it looked forced. I blame the director, Kat Slater (who has since only directed adult movies) for this mess. But this mess brought us Dave.

So, about halfway through the movie while we were still searching for a plot, Christie and I really started to notice how bad the extras were in the background. We chuckled at some weird dance some chick did at a bar. Another dancing chick looks to the camera a few times and it reminded me of Ricky Gervais' character in Extras. Chris got a kick out of a camera totting, finger pointing student walking past a door. This was supposed to be a somewhat intense moment in the movie, but that was total failure in the face of comedy in the background.

So, who is Dave you ask? Ah, Dave, how can I do you justice? With moronic lines being delivered by moronic actors, I got lost at looking at what was going on in the background for entertainment. And there was Dave. It was a restaurant scene, and the editing cuts were making me dizzy, and then Dave. Looking all proud in the background, holding something up. He caught me so by surprise that I lost it, and couldn't stop laughing. Christie was asking me what was so funny. She had not noticed Dave yet. As we backed the movie up, I was breaking out in spits of uncontrolable laughter in anticipation of Dave's scene. Noticed, Christie fell in love with Dave right away. How can you not? Look at that face.

And if you are asking yourself "why Dave? How do you know that his name was Dave if he only had a 5 second background appearance in the movie?" I ask you to just look at that face and tell me he doesn't look like a Dave. Dave alone made this movie worthwhile watching. I will forever remember you Dave.

Oh, and before I leave you with this review, I guess I should tell you that this movie was about three girls with a gun that attempt to take sexual power back from guys by rapping them, but instead one of them gets rapped by some rich guy while his lollypop sucking limo driver watches on, and some other dude gets a bullet in the head. Trust me, it's dumb. All of it except for those 5 awesome seconds.

IMDb Rating: 2.5
JF's Rating: 3 (I wanted to give this a 2, but when I think about Dave, I want to give this pile of garbage a 4. Decided to go in the middle with a 3, but Dave mucks things up... silly Dave!)
Chris' Rating: 3 (She puts it on par with Kazaam)

Turn off point: Again, neither one of us had a turn off point. It was bad enough to want to turn away under normal circumstances, but really, there was enough stupidity in it to keep it amusing and not want to claw our eyes out.

ASSIDE: We skipped #93 because it is a foreign film, and honestly, we didn't really want to watch the movie without subtitles. We found a possible way to get subtitles for the movie, but haven't figured out how to make it work. If we can, we'll watch it, but otherwise, we'll just skip it. It's only cheating if you didn't invent the rules in the first place.

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